By Tobore Mit Ovuorie
I stopped worshipping in the church my parents attended several years ago for very cogent reasons.
After my dad passed on last year, after much persuasion by some members of the church who were at his funeral, I decided to give the church a try again. I didn’t return to the branch that led me to leave the church. I went to a branch which my dad’s friend attends.
Damn it!
An outstanding number of the folks there turned out to be capricious. Outright blatant liars, and conspirators. Even the devil trembles at the horrendous coups these ones perpetrate.
They tried to injure me spiritually. Came up with outright lies against me. Interestingly too, unprovoked. I was even given a name: sugar mummy! and, I rocked it well. This angered them, too.
They tried to force a sex scandal on me and it’s at this point I decided I was going to give them gbos for every gbas they brought my way.
I am a no-nonsense retaliative specie.
These guys tried dishing me really ugly shit.
I left.
Some of them came to my house *uninvited* and *unannounced* to tell me to return to the church. I refused. Honestly, I felt like opening the door to tell them to leave my house. But my father’s friend was with them. So, I couldn’t.
Unknown to him, the ring leader spreading lies about and against me came with him. She acted drama o. Kai! Some people, even inside church are Godless!
My mind was made: they should carry their wahala away.
After they left my house, more lies were birthed: what was NEVER discussed with me in my house or at any point in time was being alleged out there. I phoned my father’s friend requesting he should sternly warn these urchins lest I see to that branch being shut down. I have quietly left, so what else do they want?
Two days after they augustly came to my house, one of them went telling more outright lies about me. The person he was painting me black to had to ask what exactly I did to him. He said I did nothing to him but I had called his girlfriend a hoe! A married man with his wife and two kids in the church dating a 20 year old in the choir to the full knowledge and support of the choir mater and mistress!?
Na wa!
If I call them spiritual pigs, they will say I am troublesome!
Well, I quietly returned to the peaceful church I had been attending before I used my hands to invite trouble.
FAST FORWARD
One of the persons who regularly checks on me (from the church dad attended) had been asking which church I had been going to. My mom too. But, I used to dismiss such talks politely.
So, yesterday, I tried to be the good girl which I am not. I attended a branch not far from my house.
Trouble. Again.
This time, birthed by my waistbeads!
During praise and worship, one of their favourite visioner supposedly got slain in the spirit. She wriggled her way to the back where I was dancing.
I love to sing and dance.
She dragged me forward to the altar. It was no easy journey to the altar o though it’s a tiny church. She kept using her palms to rub my face. I quickly took my glasses off and handed to someone close by because if she had broken my lenses – which are prescribed and expensive – I would have landed her a thunderous slap to bring her back to reality and discuss replacing my glasses.
I digress.
All the rubbing my face anyhow continued o even in this COVID-19 period.
I kuku forced my way to the front of the altar and knelt down there. I know the practice.
Na lie o: this babe was dragging me o. Rubbing my face with her palms. Slapping different parts of my body thunderously. I am still feeling the impact as I write this. Severe pains that kept me in bed today.
She pulled at my left hand: I guarded my wristwatch. Na designers.
She pulled at the white fashion beads on my right wrist. I kuku removed it so that she won’t destroy them.
I’m not particularly a patient person when it comes to certain stuffs. This happens to be one of such. But, you see my father’s church people, I am learning to ‘tolerate’ them.
Gbam! The aunty started tugging at the waistline of the boxers I was wearing. She wanted to tear it o. If it had not been a quality product, I would have left the church without my undergarment.
She was pulling my dress up while I was holding it down. It was a shameful drama. My yellow fresh laps were being served to maybe unwilling eyes for free!
I felt violated.
Then, a woman asked me if I was wearing waist beads. I said yes.
Next thing she said?
“How can you wear waistbeads. Don’t you know good girls don’t wear waistbeads?”
Haaaa! Yeeepaaaa!! Lori iro!!!
I was almost standing up to challenge the outright stark ignorance garnished with her own fetish belief.
Praise and worship ended. I felt some respite.
Lo and behold, the same aunty was now giving ‘spiritual messages’ o. She said I should take off whatever it is I put on my waist which she was trying to cut during praise and worship. She claimed she spiritually saw inside my heart and internal body that they are pitch black.
I held myself back from bursting into laughter and falling off the chair. I wanted to tell her she’s high on very cheap substances.
Boom! She continued:
She told me to believe only in God and not the dark stuffs I was hanging my belief on.
At this point, I felt pity for her. This is a fetishism clinging person projecting her dark-stark-ignorant assumptions on me.
I wondered: if she now sees my hair nko? It is natural, very long, locs and full of cowries.
Arts. Simply arts. That’s all.
With so much modesty, I dare say I am even living a holier life than this aunty o.
Gosh!
Why am I so unlucky with my father’s church people? How did he cope with the urchins!?
Out of all the merchants of fear that hauled stuffs at me yesterday, only one of the ‘messenger’s message’ was correct and accurate.
I subsequently took my waistbeads off when I went to ease myself. I handed them to one of the church’s prophet who on sighting them said “there is nothing wrong with these.”
He then prayed over them and said while he was praying what he was being told (by the spirit I guess) is that “didn’t your mothers of old also wear waistbeads? Didn’t Abraham’s servant gift Rebecca such ornaments too in the bible?”
He handed them to me that I should go wear my beads back but I should not wear them when I want to meet with a man.
I corrected him immediately: I am NOT sexually active. I don’t do such stuffs. I keep myself pure and holy. And, my spirit forbids such.
He retracted his words. And encouraged me to continue on the holy living path.
I can’t write about other crazy stuffs that happened yesterday at the church.
THE PROJECT
I will love to speak with ladies who use waistbeads. It’s a project I would be working on and will publish when ready.
Please, if you use waistbeads or know someone who does, do get in touch with me let’s talk via a direct message here
or:
And, I will then let you in on the project.
Thanks so much for your time. I greatly appreciate your reading this and sharing with your contacts. Looking forward to hearing from you and them.
Warmly,
Tobore Mit Ovuorie
